Wednesday, Feb 17, 2010
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The next day, two groups of workers show up. A crew of five Italian men and a crew of five blonde women.
The company cannot decide whom to give the job to, so they give them a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first, they will get the job."
Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back.
A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the Italian crew returns.
"YAY!!" they shout. "We came back first, we get the job!!"
"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down."
"Fine, no problem," say the men.
An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 12:00, the Blonde crew arrives. The entire group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.
"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.
"What do you mean, 'what took so long? Do we get the job?"
"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"
"Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!!"
Jon, Brian, and Amanpreet were all locked away in a mental institution for many many years. (Where they belonged, mind you.)
One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he wanted to administer to them, they'd be deemed mentally competent and free to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they'd be locked away for another five years of observation.
All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to the hospital's indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The doctor leads the patients up to the diving platform, some 60 feet in the air.
The doctor motions to Jon. "Jump."
Without hesitation, Jon leaps off the platform, right into the pool, breaking both arms in the process.
The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Brian, "Jump."
Also without hesitation, Brian flies off the platform into the empty poll, breaking both of his legs.
After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Lizard Pecker, "Jump."
Amanpreet shakes his head. "Naw. I don't think so."
The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and says, "Congratulations, 'Preet. You're a free man. Just tell me one thing. Why didn't you jump?"
"Easy," Amanpreet says, "I can't swim, Asshole ."
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.
Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.
After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English, "I take it you don't speak Spanish."
The missionary recruit replied, "No, I don't. It's that obvious?"
"Well, yes," said the preacher. "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy, and would the proud father please stand up."
Economy got you down? You still gotta have some fun, right? Click the pic above to get some inexpensive items to help your mood, and her's too!!!
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On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The three brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that three gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, in which it was about 130 degrees. They then turned on the air conditioner and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to his office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, "The Goldberg Air-Conditioner," on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in.
Now, old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldbergs' name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million, and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Norm, Hi, and Max on the dashboard.
This fellow wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class at medical school and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his rear! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing! ". . . On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..."
Our student really freaks out! He runs and gets the morgue attendant and drags the poor guy back to the table.
"Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again, ". . . On the road again....."
The morgue attendant is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says.
"Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" the guy asked.
"Are you kidding?" says the morgue attendant, "Any butt h0le can sing country music!"
Randy
Trivia
Women navigate by landmarks and visual memories. Men navigate by direction and distance, and tend to be better at reading maps.
During the time of Peter the Great, any Russian man who wore a beard was required to pay a special tax.
Variety has been published since 1905, when it was launched by Silverman as a weekly periodical covering vaudeville with its headquarters in New York City. In 1933, Silverman launched Daily Variety, based in Hollywood.
Silverman was the editor of the Variety Inc. publications until selecting Abel Green as his replacement in 1931; he remained as publisher until his death in 1933 soon after launching the daily. His son Sidne Silverman (1901–1950), known as "Skigie", succeeded him as publisher of both publications. Both Sidne and his wife, stage actress Marie Saxon (1905–1942), died of tuberculosis. Their only son Syd Silverman, born 1932, was the sole heir to what was then Variety Inc. Young Syd's legal guardian Harold Erichs oversaw Variety Inc. until 1956. From then Syd took over and managed the company until 1987, when he sold it to Cahners Publishing (later absorbed by Reed Elsevier) for US$64 million.
Circulation hovers around 32,000 for the daily editions, and 31,000 for the weekly edition (Audit Bureau of Circulations, March 31, 2005).
Facts About The Vietnam Veterans Memorial
* Every Sunday morning the monument is cleaned by a different group of veterans.
* The letters are 0.53 inches high, and were grit blasted in 0.038 inches.
* The walls, bearing the names, are 246.75 feet long.
* The granite used in the monument came from Bangalore, India, and was cut and fabricated in Barre, Vermont.
The oldest stained-glass window in the world is in the Cathedral of Augsburg, Germany, depicting the Prophets. It dates from the second half of the eleventh century.
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