Thursday, Feb 18, 2010
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After several minutes, a nearby police officer having observed this strange activity turned his lights on and pulled up behind her. He got out of his car and calmly walked up to tap her window and waited for her to role it down.
The woman seemed very distressed and the officer asked what was wrong.
She told him she didn't know what to do. She was going to be late but she had studied very hard for her driver's test the previous week and knew she had to obey all road signs, so she couldn't go.
The officer stood up and looked over her car. Seeing no stop or construction signs he felt slightly confused and told her he saw no sign stopping her from continuing. She became more upset and pointed out the right side of her car telling the cop it was right there.
He looked again and almost laughed as he finally read:"Do Not Pass".
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick!
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper responds, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I didn't know that; I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.
He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick too.
The passenger says,
"Hey! what'd you do that for?"
The cop hisses. . .
"Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh? What wishes?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'Oh, how I wish that cop would've tried that with me!'"
"I was in at a friends home one afternoon and while I was talking to my friend, his 4 year old little girl whose name was Eva, tugged on my pants leg and excitedly exclaimed, "I got a new bicycle, do you want to see it?"
I said, "Sure Eva." So off to the backyard we went. Upon getting into the backyard, I saw a brand new girl's bicycle.
"Boy, Eva!! That's a beautiful bicycle." I complimented. "Can you ride it?"
"Yeah, I can ride it," she said, then with a sad face she pouted, "but it's broke."
I looked at the new bicycle and couldn't see anything wrong with it, so I asked her, "What's wrong with it?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, "but every time I ride it, it falls down!"
Randy
Human milk Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease and his doctor told him could drink only human milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor.
"Well, Ruby Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts. One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little cookie?"
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Deer Camp
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many
years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts
her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what
can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to
find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood
gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk
your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my
wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and
said, 'Guess who?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new
see through
nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room
had candles and rose pedals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."
So, here I am.
Ron
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.
"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said.
"Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"
At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.
"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her.
This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.
The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in.
"Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell *HIM*, you have a headache!"
Trivia
Table tennis was originally played with balls made from champagne corks and paddles made from cigar-box lids. It was created in the 1880s by James Gibb, a British engineer who wanted an invigorating game he could play indoors when it was raining. Named "Gossima," the game was first marketed with celluloid balls, which replaced Gibb's corks. After the equipment manufacturer renamed the game "Ping-Pong" in 1901, it became a hot seller.
It takes 3500 calories to make a pound.
Vampire bats need about 2 tablespoonfuls of blood each day. The creature is able to extract its dinner in approximately 20 minutes.
The father of the pink flamingo (the plastic lawn ornament) was Don Featherstone of Massachusetts. Featherstone graduated from art school and went to work as a designer for Union Products, a Leominster, Massachusetts company that manufactured flat plastic lawn ornaments. He designed the pink flamingo in 1957 as a follow-up project to his plastic duck. Today, Featherstone is president and part owner of the company that sells an average of 250,000 to 500,000 plastic pink flamingos a year.
In the TV sitcom Cheers, the legal capacity of the popular Boston bar was 75. It was shown in a notice posted over the door.
Genuine ivory does not only come from elephants. It can come from the tusks of a boar or a walrus.
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled `Gentlemen Only ... Ladies Forbidden'. And thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
Baskin Robbins once made ketchup ice cream. This was the only vegetable flavored ice cream produced.
Kulang, China runs seven centers for recycled toothpicks.
People bringing used toothpicks to the recycling centers
are paid the equivalent of 35 cents per pound.
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